A True American Hero

You may not recognize this man. His name is Eddie Griffin, for a short time, he epitomized awesome. I thought he was destined for big things in the league coming out of Seton Hall. 

He did. Michael Jordan level of success off the court. 

In March 2006, he crashed into a parked car. The reason? Not simply that he was drunk as he repeatedly stated, on camera no less, to a convenience store clerk nearby. But because he was watching porn on the DVD player in his truck. True story, gets me every time. 

He also offered to buy that clerk a new car in return for keeping his mouth shut. When the cashier tells Eddie he wanted a Bentley, Eddie said something to the tune of "The fuck? Anything but a Bentely. How about a nice Toyota or something." 

Eddie, Eddie, Eddie. 

Sadly, he met his end sometime in the Summer of 2007 when he drove his car into a moving train. This time, it was the alcohol: medical examiners concluded that his BAC was a .26. His body was so badly burnt that they had to identify it with dental records. 

A tragic end to a great life. 

Watchability

I mentioned the watchability of certain NBA teams in my last post, but didn't give any specifics. So here we go: with coaching changes and new talent distribution, my watchability ratings of teams have been altered drastically. 

Tier 1--Must watch TV 

-Los Angeles Lakers -- Kobe, two quality big men, ,one of the most fascinating players in the league, Lamar Odom, and insane depth. This team could win 70 games this year and do it in style.

-Portland Trailblazers -- If you saw the ending to their game against the Raptors a couple of weeks ago, you know what Brandon Roy is capable of.  Not to mention that they have one of the most hyped-up players in all of sports, Greg Oden, and easily the best young core in any of the major professional sports. This team should only become more fun to watch in the future. 

-Cleveland Cavaliers -- I used to be a hater, but more and more I'm beginning to realize that I shouldn't take for granted the Awesomeness of King James. Still waiting on that season where he'll average a triple-double, but this should finally be the year he wins his first MVP. He should have at least two already. 

-New Orleans Hornets -- Two words: Chris Paul. Not much else to be said. 

Tier 2--Quality Entertainment

-Boston Celtics -- Defending champions, Kevin Garnett, Paul Pierce, who is just now beginning to get his due credit. Rajon Rando has the ability to be a star in this league.

-Orlando Magic -- Dwight Howard is an absolute monster, but I should probably tell you something that you don't already know. I curse my parents everyday for not blessing me with his genetic gifts. I guess you probably do too. 

-Toronto Raptors -- I'm not the biggest Chris Bosh fan in the world, but Jose Calderon needs more credit. He'll be second in assists behind Chris Paul for the next half a decade. 

-Houston Rockets -- Gotten off to a relatively slow start given their expectations with the addition of the certifiably-insane Ron Artest. It's been sad to see the devolution of Tracy McGrady though. For a guy who you could have argued as the top player in the game just a few seasons ago, he hasn't aged well. 

-Golden State Warriors -- Even with no Baron Davis and no Monta Ellis, they still go up and down the court faster than any other team in the league. May not be the winningest bunch, but definitely watchable. 

Tier 3--Watchable, but there probably isn't anything else on TV. 

-Denver Nuggets -- Had one of my highest watchability ratings last year, but then let Marcus Camby go and traded Allen Iverson. Definitely dropped them several spots. I'm convinced that JR Smith knows when I'm watching their games. Seems like every time I watch he'll go 6-6 from behind the arc and look like the greatest thing since sliced-bread. Whenever I don't watch and then go to look up his stat line, it's simply abysmal. 

-Phoenix Suns -- Sad to see them fall this far. I guess that's what happens when you install a half-court offense. Hopefully Amare's knee will hold up for more than few seasons. The silver-lining is they might actually be able to win in the playoffs this year. But that doesn't benefit me when I'm looking for something to do on a Wednesday night. 

-Memphis Grizzlies -- Think about the names of their two future-stars. Gay Mayo. Makes me laugh every time, but I have the sense of a humor of a twelve year old. 

- Atlanta Hawks -- Sure, you could watch Josh Smith's dunks and blocks on YouTube, but then you'd be missing out on Joe Johnson. He's an enormously skilled player he doesn't get credit nationally, simply because he lacks the go-to, it factor. He's not great at leading a winning team, but, man, is he fun to watch. 

- Chicago Bulls -- You probably hate Joakim Noah just as much as I do, but Ben Gordon has as much offensive game and scoring ability as anyone in the league. I feel bad for guys like him...if only he were a couple of inches taller. Derrick Rose is looking like the league's next great point; too bad Chris Paul has the title firmly in hand.  

- New York Knicks -- Mike D'Antoni

Tier 4--Everyone else

- Miami Heat -- Just missing the cut. 

- Washington Wizards -- My team. Without Arenas, they're a terrible team. I look forward to the maturation of Nick Young and Andray Blatche, but I say that every year about Blatche. 

- Utah Jazz -- I'm a sucker for good play from the point.

- Dallas Mavericks

Tier 5--Don't watch without a rooting interest. 

- San Antonio Spurs

- Detroit Pistons -- Even with Iverson. 

- Milwaukee Bucks 

- Oklahoma City Thunder

- Los Angeles Clippers

- New Jersey Nets

- Charlotte Bobcats -- I used to love Gerald Wallace's all-out, all the time hustle. But this is just bad basketball. 

- Minnesota Timberwolves

- Indiana Pacers

- Sacramento Kings -- Not even sure if I've watched a single game this year. 

Moral of the story: Hopefully you live on the West Coast if you're a basketball fan. 

The NBA - Criminally Underrated

This time of year, just as sure as Holiday-themed commercials permeating our television sets, we are inundated with people claiming that the NBA sucks for reasons such as "it's a league full of overpaid and lazy thugs", "they never try", and "basketball sucks". 

The last may just be a matter of taste, but the first two are laughable--especially when they come from the same people who ardently follow the NFL, which definitely has its fair share of overpaid and lazy thugs. 

A big problem with the NBA is that is a fundamentally different sport to market than the NFL. With only five men on the court at one time, inevitably one player is going to become the brightest star on a team, and that player will be advertised as the team. You see this in ticket ads all the time "Come see Kobe Bryant and the Lakers take on the Bobcats, because we know no one is willing to pay to come see the Bobcats."

Not only does it make the league seem more self-centered and egocentric, which, for some reason, is a turn-off for many fans, but it leads to a huge disparity in the watchability of different teams. You know what I'm talking about: the last few seasons, if you were randomly channel surfing and you came across a Phoenix Suns or Lakers game, you were going to stop and watch it. But if the Pistons or Spurs were on, time to go watch reality TV. 

There are definitely some unwatchable teams in the league, definitely a greater portion than the NFL has. But if you know who to watch, the NBA is plenty entertaining. 

A Confession

I might not actually be an authority on all things awesome. Clearly, I may not be the paragon of awesome I claim to be if I spent the time to start a blog and spent a significant portion of my free time reading random Internet message boards. 

To give a little background, I'm a college student at a southern school in the middle of nowhere. To be a little more accurate, it's not in the middle of nowhere, but you can see it from there. Definitely a bit of a transition for a guy who grew up in a major metropolitan area. 

Now that I've totally undermined my ethos in any discussion of actual merit, I'll ramble on about stuff that I actually should know about. 

Whenever I told someone from up north that I was going to school in the South, they'd inevitably say something like "Oh yeah, I hear the ladies are hot there." No exceptions. I'd hear that from anyone and everyone. And so I came down here expecting a sort of paradise for a 19 year-old heterosexual male. Sadly, it's far from it.

Of course, being a good college student, I still go out and have a good time on my weekend nights--not to mention, the occasional Thursday. I've devolved into a Tucker Max sort of character.  

An aside--I have a theory that the reason why people think Southern kids drink so much is because they're, for the most part, complete light weights. I never thought I was an exceptionally talented drinker before coming to college, but now I feel like almost like Landfill from Beerfest. One of my buddies was actually so wasted after 4 (four!) light beers one time that he actually pulled down his pants and peed all over the wall of a frat house living room. Pretty cool, huh? 

But back to the point I was getting at: if you're even slightly overweight, stay the fuck away from me when I've been drinking. You'd think that I would have built up a reputation by now and people would actually act in their own best interests. I don't know, maybe I have and people are just testing me...but I absolutely can't stand these swamp donkeys thinking that they'll be able to take advantage of a handsome guy such as myself.

Actually, even if you're not trying to talk to me, if you're in my vicinity, you're liable to be yelled at in a sort of preemptive strike. And if I have an audience, people who think that what I'm saying is funny (I'm sure it usually isn't), you might as well just leave the building, because no one is going to be able to look at you for the rest of the night without laughing. 

The other night some girl came to a party I was at wearing these really small, really tight jean shorts. Shouldn't be a problem, right? Unfortunately, she happened to weigh about 200 pounds. I've been accused of being overconfident, sometimes cocky or arrogant, but if I were a fat girl, my self-esteem would never be so inflated that I would attempt to go to a party wearing clothes that might have fit me when I was 10 years old. 

I was so taken aback by her attire, so threatened by her presence, that I yelled at her, at the top of my lungs, from across the room. Something completely uncreative about a beached whale; disappointing to reflect on in sobriety, but apparently hilarious to a room full of drunk college students. I remember feeling extremely pleased with myself as she left the room, hopefully in tears. Later on I found her in the kitchen and apologized, because, honestly, it must take superhuman courage to leave the house looking like she did. That time, she definitely cried. 

Point of this post: Non-existent. I'm just bored and avoiding work. I'm sorry for wasting your time. 

Anyone know any good bookies? 

Sad to see the Skins lose to Dallas, but I predicted it earlier. 

Big Game Tonight

After a disappointingly futile performance against the Steelers followed by the doldrums that annually mark the bye week of my favorite team, I'm pumped for the Redskins to play the Cowboys tonight. 

And I really don't have much else to look forward to today. Regrettably, I overslept and never got around to setting my fantasy roster. I can safely say that I have less than a 2% chance of victory this weekend. Whatever, my team sucked anyway--blew my first round pick on Tom Brady so that I could finally benefit from his awesomeness in some way. That sure paid off. Go Skins!

I'm actually worried about the game tonight. I don't know if I'm entirely convinced that Tony Romo can effectively play quarterback with a still-injured pinkie, but I feel the same way about Portis' knee. 

Those factors aside, I'm thinking the Cowboys will play with a desperation that the Redskins can't possibly match. That's what worries me the most. Not only that, but also the fact that the Skins offensive line has been completely unable to pass-block lately. DeMarcus Ware and the rest of the Cowboys defense should be able to sack Jason Campbell at least five times tonight. 

I try to have faith, but I'm just not feeling it tonight. 

Prediction: Cowboys win, 14-10